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Are y’all familiar with the Myers Briggs test? If not, it’s a personality test used to help identify and understand how different people think, process and work. It is far from all encompassing but I have found it useful, even in my marriage. It provides insight and language to find patience and compassion for the differences. The way I have always seen people is through archetypes. I often immediately perceive someone as Fairy, hobbit, dragon, animal, king or queen, Priest, profit, or healer... just to name a few. Some people emanate more than one archetype but one is usually in the lead. The funny thing is that it takes a different kind of focus to see these things in ourselves and others. It doesn’t come from answering questions or any true qualitative measurement. It comes from seeing with a soft focus and feeling the unseen. It shows itself to those who let go of what they think they should know and allows for what really is right there. Have y’all heard the myth of the natives who could not see the ships off the coast because they had never seen one before. It was their “shaman” who noticed the odd ripples in the water a stood for a long time watching till he could see what had not ever been seen before? Well it’s not really a true story but it’s true that we often don’t see what is not culturally logical to us. But it does not mean it is not there. Have some fun today. Look at everyone, including yourself, with a soft unfocused feeling kind of gaze. Let your imagination loose like you are 3 again. Wildly abandon all your schooling to the time when you saw all of this and no one had told you yet it was “just your imagination” aka “grow up because that part of you is not true or relevant”. This was a lie you were told and those parts of yourself have slowly atrophied. Those parts of yourself are the keys to joy, creative problem solving and peace here on planet earth. They are not small, irrelevant or false. The analytical brain is a beautiful beast. It’s important to us in this world as well but we have had lots of training and muscle building in this department. It’s time to bring balance joy and peace back. Ps. I see a bear in me:)

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I woke this morning late, out of a deep sleep. I heard birds singing outside my open window and was confused. I found My husband who said, everything is covered in ice, no school, I let you sleep. My mind had a hard time making sense of the paradox of an open window with birds singing and ice storm yet every single inch of everything is covered in a thin layer of ice and there is a gentle spring like rain that continues to fall. This for me is like my journey as a seeker of wholeness, truth, joy, and purpose. There are so many things in this world that it is hard to make “logical” sense of. I would venture to say that what ever belief system or structure one brings into their life to try and find understanding, stasis and balance is likely to be limited in it’s ability to contain all truth and explain all things. Instead we tend to ignore, delete, defend, and deflect all that does not fit. Anyone who experiences differently is crazy, ignorant, triggered etc. This creates betrayal, gaslighting, and silent abuse of all kinds. Ask anyone with a chronic health condition who has been told by a doctor that it’s in their head or that their body is attacking itself, how science is serving them. Ask anyone who has been told that their truth is not except-able to god, how religion is serving them. See those who’s desire for money/recognition has becomes more important than their integrity, how well those things serve them. See someone who makes there life small in fear and insecurity, how well those things are serving them. We all have something we serve as a means to make sense of this world. We may not realize it but when we do it creates a limited system and structure that cuts us off from truth in some way. Are science, religion, money, recognition, fear and insecurity innately bad or good? No! But when they become our master, when they hold us back from seeing truth even if it seems paradoxical, then they do not serve us any more. When we patiently hold the uncomfortable paradoxes is when truth finds us. Truth that may not fit in a box of comfort, habit, culture or belief systems yet it is very much true. Truth can feel uncomfortable and that is ok.

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The magic in my days sometimes makes me laugh, always lifts me up, and more than occasionally leaves me weld up with tears rolling down my face. Today as my family walked out our back door, the door in my office that leads out side spontaneously flew wide open. As I watched from my desk I laughed, welcomed in what ever seemed to want to join me and closed the door. I felt spontaneously lead to take a journey before starting my work. I followed through in trust and grabbed some things I felt compelled to set before me while I journeyed. One item I picked up was a small pair of deer antlers I have. I don’t know why, I have never been called to have these antlers near while I journeyed before but I have learned to trust the subtle knowings. The Journey was big, visceral and cathartic. I finished just in time to get on the phone with a client. I was teaching them to journey for the 1st time. As I sat at my desk explaining the process a deer appeared out my window. I have sat and watched out this window every day for years now and I have never seen a deer out there. It turned directly towards my house and began walking closer. Very close to our house it went down a little valley between my property and our neighbors and disappeared. I brought my attention back to the work at hand and began to drum so my client could take their first journey. When we were done I asked then to share their experience. I was surprised when the 1st thing they said was that they were met by a very large buck who led them on an adventure. The beauty and serendipities of story that they unveiled brought me to tears. To all my clients I say thank you. I am so honored to share the journeys you take and the brave way you take on healing and living. To each and every one of you that honors me with your willingness to be vulnerable. To each and every one of you who is open to exploring your deeper presence here in this world. To each and every one of my clients I am so honored by you in my life. You are strong. You are powerful. Your are not alone. Wether you see it or not you are a beacon of light in this world. Thank you to all you brave and beautiful souls.

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It’s officially a snow day here! I remember the excitement of snow days when I was a kid because it was so much more than that. It was a huge breath out and relief from the thing I hated most in this world. School was hard for me. It was not the academics. It was that I could energetically feel everyone and everything and it was a complete overwhelming burden. I had no boundaries in place, did not know boundaries even existed, let alone were possible. I had no words, no examples, no tools to hold my own space and feel safe in this world. A snow day meant a peace day to me. It meant I could breath, laugh, recover and feel comfortable in my skin. Yesterday in my son’s health class they started a mindfulness block. He shared with me that he explained to his teacher he already understood mindfulness because that was the culture in his home. Of his own choice my son gets up 5:30 every morning to meditate. He advocates for himself at school and at home. He recognizes when he feels overwhelmed and knows to find a quiet place and get re-centered. He knows when emotions come to check if they are his or if he is picking up on people around him. And he is spot on every time. He is very much a normal child, (messy room, picky eater, would prefer not to empty the dishwasher) lol. And on this snow day he is happy to sleep in and play in the snow when he gets up. But he also likes to go to school. It’s also not the easiest place for him because he is equally or more sensitive than me. But he has knowledge, tools, experience, and support to handle what comes. He works on mastering himself. I talk a lot about how we unwittingly carry trauma that is not ours, passed down generation to generation. Sometimes when we see it, we rebel against it in ways that also don’t serve us as rebellion is often just an unthought out reaction vs knowledgeable proactive change. I had to drop my old fear of school before I could help my son find his rightful, comfortable place there. I had to do my work first, keep my fears in check and know that my experience did not have to be his. On this snow day I am so very happy it’s a normal happy vs epic relief from overwhelm. May the sledding commence!

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food = emotions There just isn’t any way around this truth. So how do I use this knowledge in my favor? My mother loved to cook. She cooked for crowds and intimate dinners. She was a friend of the complicated recipes. She cared about the ingredient and that is was nutritious. When things got tough she cooked up a storm. When there was something to celebrate the table was full. And each night dinner was set and prepared with love and care and eaten while we enjoyed each other’s company. When it came to her kids she loved to feed us our favorites. Each time I would come home to visit, no matter how old I got or how big my own family got, when I arrived my favorite was warm and ready to eat. I had not fully realized till this past year that I have not had food so lovingly prepared for me since she left this earth. I am the one who now expends a good portion of my time and energy feeding others to the best of my ability. It turns out there was a hole that had left me a little empty that perhaps no meal could ever fill till I entered the presence of a food shaman, (my name name for him). I watched as he blessed his kitchen, listened to my needs, prepared nourishment in service to light, and served it with his heart. It was a feast to my eyes and I took one bite and began to cry. I had not felt food like this in a long time. It has nothing to do with the taste or the ingredients. It was the intentions with which it was prepared and the love and light infusion that fed much more than my taste buds, or stomach. It was food that satiated my soul and filled that hole with light. It was food that I didn’t need to fill my belly to full because as it entered my body it fed something much bigger and deeper. And it was not pizza, burger or some decadent dessert. It was simple raw plant based food that my body truly needs infused with love and light. Now I know for sure that it’s the love and intentions we prepare our food with that Satiates that inner emptiness. The other stuff, fat, sugar, alcohol, are adrenal addictive, false idols that pale in comparison to true nourishment. I am not always free from foods that are not great but I am clear on my goals. Thank you mom!

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I really can not remember a time I did not want to be a mother. I was 41 by the time I had my first baby. His birth was nothing like I hoped for and not how he should have come into this world. I had no one in my life who had knowledge or could support me outside of fear. For a very long time I felt I had failed him in my inability to bring him into this world naturally. My own birth was not quite ideal. I was the 5th child but my mother’s 1st natural birth. She had twilight sleep with her other births which means she had no memory of the births. The drugs stole that from her in an attempt to make birth painless. She was unprepared and verbally abused by the OBGYN on staff that night. Most people say... the baby is healthy, that is what is important. let it go and enjoy. But what affect lingers in us from such circumstances. What unhealed, disconnected emotions linger and travel generation after generation. I took a journey many years ago to ask for healing and understanding around my son’s birth. As I drummed I was shown a young woman, very much in love with a kind man and a belly swollen with their child. The man lost his life, leaving this women feeling scared to be a mother on her own and heart broken with her loss. As she put her baby to her breast for the 1st time tears ran down her face and fear filled her milk. Her child drank in her mother’s fear as she tried to nourish herself. I was shown that fear living, out of context in her child. I was shown this child growing into a woman and unwittingly feeding this same fear to her own child. I was shown how this fear travelled mother to child for generations till it landed in my own body. Fear at childbirth, fear of failing my child, and feeling unsupported and alone, generation after generation. Understanding this as a mother my work is clear. My work is to release with compassion what is not mine so that I do not pass that down to any more generations. My work is to heal what is mine so that I do not pass that down to any more generations. My work is to let my children live their journey without the burdens of what was not meant to be theirs. And in my work I help you release the burdens that are not your

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A crow came to me today in a journey for another. I come across a lot of animals spirits in my journeys and this particular crow spoke quite clearly and succinctly. The crow told me he was a communicator and was showing up to help. He would use his network of fellow crows to keep an eye out for safety. When anything or anyone came along that may be threatening, messages would be sent, crow to crow so the reach of awareness would be well beyond what any one human could accomplish. The speed of information spreading to its intended audience would be swift. Warnings, knowledge and assistance would be spoken softly into the ear of the person needing the information, relieving them of the burden of lookout. This crow said he had come to bring a sense of far reaching safety while moving through this world so that ease and trust could be found in the body, heart, spirit and soul of the one needing this. The crow would bring this gift so that fight/flight could be let go of in this persons body. Anyone who has been through something traumatizing can wind up stuck with their systems in high alert, running their adrenals and being weary of what or who might be around the corner. This state can become so normal feeling that they are unaware or unable to turn it off. It can create a sense of isolation of who and when to trust again. Yet it is through the help of others that trust finds it’s way back into our being. Trust needs to be built back up that this world is a safe place for their body, heart, spirit and soul. What crow had to say is that spirits of nature were here to help those who are open to receiving. Trust can be found and you do not need to be alone in trying to find it. There is help in this world in all kinds of ways from all manner of being. Crows are known to be very intelligent and prolific communicators Each individual crow’s caw is distinct and they look out for each other’s safety. I often listen to their caws of communication in the mornings as I walk outside. I imagine they are telling of our comings and goings. I know that when I hear them make a a ruckus there is something unusual going on. Tomorrow when I see them I will say thank you!

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What a beautiful night of rain and lights and treats and family. Now there are a couple of us in this house that can not sleep when we should be. The windows are open and the rain is poring down. It feels like when the pressure of something finally releases to allow the free flow of life as it should be. The ideas are coming as fast as the rain and I am collecting them in their raw nature to be sculpted and refined at a later time. So much of the time we edit way too soon. We are not really listening, seeing or receiving. We bring in our powerful and well trained analytical skills as a filter to what comes our way. We allow unobstructed flow of fear and worry. And like Spock we believe logic is the most valuable tool to possess. Then we try to create, to find freedom, to be happy and find purpose and wonder why we feel so stuck. When the dam of control breaks we think maybe we have lost everything. Sometimes the water must flow uncontrolled, untethered, unblocked. Sometimes the joy is in opening to what is instead of what we think should be. Sometimes suspending dis-belief affords is an opportunity to find the sparks of greatness and truth. And sometimes when the inspirations comes you must take a spontaneous journey with it to bring life into living. There will always be time and opportunity to sculpt the inspiration into something useful and we have the skills to do so. When inspiration flows learn to sit back and allow it to fill you with knowledge, power and the raw material to thrive.

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Walking with my ancestors is what I am doing this hollows’s eve. Someone asked me what I thought - experienced at this time when there is a thinning of the vale between our “reality” and the spirit realm. Given this is my every day life I honestly have never given it much pause. I work daily dancing between what I and many call ordinary reality and non ordinary reality. To me both worlds are very real, visceral and even tangible in the effects on our lives and well being. I help people drop the fear, make the connections and enrich their lives by brining these two realities into conversation with each other. We have so much training, mentoring and honoring of the analytical that these other parts of ourselves, that are meant to play a part in life, can become atrophied. It’s not about one vs the other as much as it is about both stepping up to make our lives more full, rich and whole. This is a time of year to celebrate and exercise those parts of ourselves we often ignore and may even fear. And beyond that, what I find so deeply this week is a connection to all those that are stepping up to help us be better versions of ourselves, to heal, and to live our purpose. Those stepping up to help are our ancestors. They are coming in droves, not from the grave yards but from a place of love and compassion. They come with hints, memories, signs and all that they can muster to help us. They are waiting for us to ask for help and to allow them to acquiesce. They stand at our side in support, they have got our back and they clear a path for us. We may not see them or be able to hug them but they are here loving us. This is an intense time right now and when it gets this intense it’s time to remember not to act in fear. It’s time to let go of what no longer works even when that feels uncomfortable. It’s time to have faith that when you do you will be supported though the uncomfortableness of it all. It’s time to remember who you are and check yourself to make sure you words and actions align with your intentions. This is a time to remember you are not alone and you are deeply loved through every hard thing you do.

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